Note: This is another draft chapter of my WIP novel, 'The Old Hall Hotel.' Characters include Alex, the kindly omnipresent night watchman, and Wendy, a permanent guest at the Old Hall, who has a dissociative disorder, and sometimes goes by Aretha. “Each one of us has his own rhythm of suffering.” Roland Barthes RECORDING FROM WENDY PERMANENT RESIDENT [Wendy wanted to tell me her story but not face to face. Alex lent her his mobile so that she could record her story] Shall I start now? Now? Okay. Okay. This is my story and it is told by me. My name is Wendy. One thing first I must clear up because other people like to tell my story but they is not me and it makes me very sad which is AWFUL. I’m not mad. Mad is when you are angry and I have decided to never, ever be angry for as long as I live. I mean it this time. Yes I do. This is because being angry makes people sad- and then I get sad- and being sad is the worst, worst thing in the whole entire world. Everybody in the world should be happy all the time and then everything would be fiiiine and daaaaandy. This girl knows this is true. My mom used to say that allllll the time. I miss my mom. She was a very sad person and that made me sad-so I got sent to happy people to make me happy. But they weren’t happy. They weren’t sad or angry either, they were just boring. They would say ‘Wendy stop speaking like you are not from the Bronx, you are from London, England and we say MUM not MOOOOOM’. And this would make me angry AND sad because this is not always true. Sometimes, most of the time, I AM from the Bronx and my name is not Wendy, it is Aretha. And that is my RIGHT. Because being Wendy can sometimes be sad. Aretha is never sad. She is happy and bubbly and FUN. I don’t know why they didn’t like Aretha. They kept telling me over and over and over ‘You are WENDY.’ And I said ‘No….LOOK. Look CLOSER. I am ARETHA.’ Then I would cry and cry and be sad because sometimes I hate Wendy and wish boring old Wendy would just go away. Things would be so much better without her because all she does in moan, moan, moan. She says Aretha is naughty and evil and wrong. Aretha would try to be cross but Aretha is NEVER cross so she just laughs and laughs at Wendy and says ‘enough of THAT’ and sometimes says some VERY naughty words indeed. When Wendy comes back I feel very, very sad about Aretha saying naughty words because they are not nice. Then people get CROSS and ANGRY with Aretha. Then I say, ‘I will tell her but don’t shoot the messenger!’ Alexander taught me that. ‘Don’t shoot the messenger.’ ‘ Cos that’s all Wendy is- the messenger. And she has to say sorry Miranda for making all the noise. Sorry Daisy for calling you the C word. Sorry, sorry, sorry. This is why Wendy is sad and boring. She is always saying sorry because Aretha never does. Aretha likes very much to get drunk because it makes her extra happy. AND LOUD. Ohh Aretha sings. She dances. She laughs. Sometimes people sing and laugh and dance too. Sometimes they don’t. Then Wendy comes along and be like, ‘Aretha, go to bed, leave these people’ and Aretha sometimes listens. Sometimes she doesn’t. Then Wendy is here for the day and she cries in bed and says sorry, sorry, sorry. Alexander said not to be sorry after the first sorry. What’s done is done and Wendy will be better by morning. Alexander is always Alexander and he is always a very nice man, even when he looks sad. I tell him this and he says he isn’t sad. I say he is lying and he says sometimes it’s okay to tell a lie every now and again, which surprises this girl, let me tell you. Aretha does get quiet sometimes and Wendy lightens up. These are the BEST TIMES. I say to everyone, ‘it is a blessed day today!’ and everyone smile and say indeed it is, indeed it is. I go for hot chocolate and I leave a BIG TIP to the smiley lady and tell her to buy a new dress and oh wow, oh wow, does she smile and smile. Then I go to my room and sit on the balcony and I listen to my songs and draw and everything is happy and I think why can’t it always be like this- but that makes me sad so I stop thinking. I draw and laugh at the little girl playing in the park and pretend like it ghost little me coming by to say hello Wendy, how are you today. But I am only PRETENDING. I know this girl have her own name and her own mommy and daddy and maybe a baby brother [not that I know this for sure]. Sometimes Alexander try and set me and Daisy up on play dates because she is crazy too. I say, what are we going to do, play snakes and ladders? He say no, unless you like snakes and ladders. I say hell no, I don’t. He said, well, you could talk or go to a café. I said talk about what? Alexander look sad here again and he kind of mumbled that it was just something to think about because we all need friends. Sometimes on these BEST TIMES days, Alexander come and talk to me in my room. He says I may need to move soon because the hotel might need to close. I get very annoyed with Alexander for ruining my best time day. He says sorry but says I need to have it in my mind so it don’t go BOO, SURPRISE but I laugh and say this hotel is STAYING, it’s too big to leave. But when I’m allowed back in the hotel bar I hear the whisperings. They don’t even whisper because they think I’m not listening but I AM. They say we’re ALL going to leave and they are going to make the hotel a swimming pool or a supermarket or something else crazy. And they say I’M mad. These are the times that even Wendy laugh and laugh.
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