Ellie Tomlinson- Wilde 42 'I cannot live without music. It is the one thing in my life that can help me see happiness in the saddest times, and there’s always a song or lyric for the right moment that helps me when I need it...' Ellie is a beautiful soul. I met her in Liverpool outside the LIPA building, where a certain Mr McCartney was giving a music lesson… I ventured alone to LIPA after getting a tip off that Paul was in attendance that day. Although I had made plenty of good friends in Liverpool, I chose to go alone because it felt like a personal experience- and, to be honest, part of me felt silly… but The Beatles were such a huge part of my life, I couldn’t not go. Thank goodness, because Paul McCartney was not the only legend I was going to meet that day! A friendly, bubbly, gorgeous girl approached me, 'Love your bag! Are you waiting for Paul?' I spent the rest of the day with Ellie, which led to countless nights in The Cavern, Jacaranda and someone to Beatle fan girl with…[plus an incredible London trip to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child… we like to mix it up sometimes] It has been a pleasure to interview this gorgeous lady- enjoy! How would you describe yourself? I’m the most introverted extrovert you’re likely to meet. I love people, I enjoy hearing about other people's experiences and lives and I love the sense of community when there’s a shared interest. I get socially exhausted really easily though, and can get pretty anxious in some outside situations. I’m learning to cope with that part of my negative inner dialogue at the moment! I think I'm an obsessive all-or-nothing person, and when I love it’s with my whole being. This goes for relationships, friendships, hobbies and interests. This can be a blessing and a curse as I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve and people have taken advantage of that in the past. I like to see it as a positive though, as it has led me to where I am today with my lovely family. I cannot live without music. It is the one thing in my life that can help me see happiness in the saddest times, and there’s always a song or lyric for the right moment that helps me when I need it. I’m currently learning more about who I am after a late diagnosis of ADHD! I’ve always felt like a bit of an outsider and never fit in, and it’s all making sense now! How would others describe you? I hope other people would describe me as having my heart in the right place. I am told I'm a good listener as I can listen without judgement of the situation, and am told I'm open and empathetic. I reckon my friends think I'm organised and in control - I'm the “Mum” of the group, making sure everyone is okay, has had food and has got home okay when we’ve had a night out. Overall a Beatles loving, vintage obsessive member of society! How was it being diagnosed with ADHD later in life? That diagnosis has meant the world to me. I have been misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression etc throughout my life so to finally get to the root cause of who I am and why I react to things so strongly is pure validation. How did others react to the news? I feel like people actually believe my struggles now, and the support I've had from family and friends has meant the world to me. I’m understanding more about my brain, the way I think and how I now fit into society. That all comes with a sadness too. If I had known about my ADHD sooner I probably would’ve found coping techniques sooner, which probably would’ve led to me continuing further education. So growing up was a challenge? I struggled a lot at school in terms of fitting in and feeling like an outsider, and as is my wont I decided to run away from that situation, as I couldn’t cope with that feeling. Life is too short to have regrets, but now that I have my diagnosis I'm going to stop putting obstacles in my own way and live life to the full! Okay, you knew it was coming… Let's talk about that little known band from Liverpool… The Beatles! With a name like Eleanor it’s pretty hard to avoid that band isn’t it? I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked if that’s how I got my name! Even though I’m an ‘Elinor’... I remember as a small child listening to Band On The Run as my Dad had it from the 70s, and my Mum had a fair few Beatles albums. The ones I remember hearing most though were the Red and Blue albums, and I used to pore over those sleeves as they were so arty! Those times my folks played music in our old living room in Grange Road North are some of my most vivid, happiest memories as a kid and I loved dancing and singing along to the records. My Mum played Eleanor Rigby to me as a very young child, but I remembered being more impressed by Norwegian Wood! 1989 Help! was released on video and my Dad bought my Mum a copy. She was SO happy and watched it over and over. My eldest Sister then began to obsess over it, so much so the tape went black and white in sections. But when did you go from casual fan to an Apple Scruff? That band has impacted my life from an early age, and I could go on and on about how they’ve influenced me personally. I met my husband at International Beatleweek 25 years ago as he was in a Paul McCartney tribute band (not Macca!) and my life could’ve taken a totally different route. You’ve met Paul McCartney a few times… The first time I met Paul I couldn’t speak. It was May 2000 at LIPA and he was giving a class to the music degree students. I happened to be in the city with my friend and we were given the tip off to go and try and meet him. We waited around for a couple of hours and he walked out of the door towards his car. I was rooted to the spot, and if it hadn't been for my friend pushing me in his direction I would’ve missed my opportunity of meeting my idol. I asked for his autograph and he said yes, and I didn’t have a pen! He had to open his jacket and get a blue ink pen from it (his pocket was like a stationery shop!) and once he’d signed he gave me the pen which I still have! Did you keep your composure? I held it together while he was there, and as soon as he’d driven off and we had waved goodbye I was a blubbering wreck! I had just turned 18 and had met Paul McCartney! The year before I'd been lucky to go to the Run Devil Run listening party in London, the premiere of Working Classical in Liverpool and the Parkinson interview in the studio but this was actually meeting him! Each time has been ultra special. Fast forward to 2015 and I met you in the same spot! What made you come over and say hello? You looked friendly and approachable, and had the guts to rock up to see a Beatle on your own. To have that enthusiasm and excitement about seeing Paul is something I recognised about myself, and as I said earlier I love sharing the excitement with people who have that love in common. I’m so glad I said hello that day as it had led to this lovely friendship! Meeting people in random ways is always a good start to a friendship I find! I’m so happy you did too! And a love of The Beatles also means a love of Liverpool… My Dad used to take my sisters and I on day trips. When we asked where we were going he would say “there and back to see how far it is!” and we’d have adventures together. I remember being REALLY young before the Albert Dock was renovated, and we wandered around the docks to the river, walked around the City and just felt excited to be in such an amazing atmosphere. What made you keep returning? I used to sneak to the City when I was a teenager as it was my happy place. Yes the Beatles kick started my love for the City, but it runs deeper than that. The Scousers are hard to resist! The North West as a whole feels like a separate entity to the rest of the Country, and the morals and working class honesty is an integral part of who Scousers are. You are accepted for who you are, you can walk into a pub and talk to a total stranger and the people have their own style and identity. And now it’s your home again! I spent most of my adult life living in Liverpool, and with a move for 8 years down to Watford I'm now back on Merseyside with my husband in tow. Gee it’s good to be back home! You are now a step-mum too! How are you finding it? Being a Step Mum is such a tricky thing to navigate, and I am so conscious of trying to be a responsible adult while not feeling like a “grown up” at all. I loved my stepson as soon as I met him, and I'm so lucky to have him in my life. My husband's older kids are more like friends as I haven’t been involved in their upbringing, but it’s mind blowing to me that this kind, brilliant, clever, funny young man has developed from the kind, brilliant, clever funny child I met all those years ago. He’s got such amazing, supportive parents so I'm in the privileged position of just being another adult he can chat to and lean on when he needs anything. I still worry about being the grown up though! How did that happen? What’s the best thing anyone has ever said to you? As cheesy as it sounds when my husband said he loved me for the first time. I knew I'd found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and it was glorious to know he felt the same way. And the worst? The one that I'll never forget is as a 13 year old my school PE teacher saying I would be a good dancer if I wasn’t so fat. That crushed me. Dancing was my life at the time, and those words have never really left me. That’s dreadful! I’ve struggled with my weight since that moment really, and for a long time my self worth was attached to how fat or thin I was. I wish I could go back to my 13 year old self and tell them to ignore that sad woman and believe in myself. Do you have any recurring dreams? I don’t have recurring dreams anymore, I'm a light sleeper and I do wonder if I get into REM at any point. When I do dream it’s always vivid and colourful, and ridiculously realistic. When they’re happy dreams it’s lovely, but when it’s a nightmare it can be pretty grueling. I know you are a fan of the TV series The Traitors. Would you be a Faithful or a Traitor? I would be a Faithful. I cannot lie to save my life, and I wouldn’t enjoy the stress of being a Traitor at all. I think I would break down in tears every time I felt like I had betrayed someone I'd built a friendship with. I’m also good at reading a room (thanks ADHD!) so I think I'd be good at identifying micro mannerisms that would give the traitors away. Who would play you in the film of your life? That’s a tough one! Maybe BenDeLaCreme (amazing drag queen!) as she’s a vintage loving, bubbly personality with a fierce loyalty to her friends. Also her makeup and style is always beautiful - I want to be her when I grow up! Film: West Side Story Song: All Day and All Of The Night - The Kinks Stage Show: Chicago TV series: 7 Up Book: The Beach by Alex Garland Word: Optimistic
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... I thought you would be so kind that day when we first met I'd seen you from behind a screen [so I was as far away from the truth as I could get] I was not one of your audience on that day when we first met Ignorant me, scared me, poor pathetic me... I was left with just your true self so it didn't matter to you how I was made to feel If you’re the choreographer of this show then I have no interest in dancing your dance Unless you have a sold out crowd Their claps and cheers might distract you enough.. enough for you to give me a chance... and you might pretend to be kind even when your ego has left the building. I have no room to leave anymore No light to switch off No corridor to walk down with others beside me... Just me closing the door in my head I have no words to mutter No words to shout No face to smile at...no face to avoid Just me closing the door in my head Sometimes I just need to step outside All beeps and vibrations turned off In order to be free... I need to close all the doors in my head Jenny Speedie I guess in our own minds we know our intention even if we don’t portray it in the right way... 69 Jenny is a gorgeous lady- inside and out. She is somebody who when she asks how you are, she really wants to know- even if you end up blubbing on her shoulder. She truly cares. We first met when her equally lovely daughter joined my parents theatre company when I was a teenager. I then got to know Jenny more when I worked at the same school as her. Again, I was drawn to her because her ethics were so wonderful- she put the students happiness before everything, and her lessons were a pleasure to observe- full of laughter, learning and fun. We certainly need more of her! She has recently been diagnosed with ADHD, which has made her reflect on herself now, and a greater understanding of her past... How would you describe yourself? Caring, bubbly, quite loud at times. I used to adore sport and be good at it! I love dancing! I don’t cope well with silence like in a lift or on a bus… I just have to talk …. Usually loads of drivel! Small- (ha,ha) ,very talkative which is generally to cover up the anxiety...though having had thyroid disease since the age of 25, it could be that!!, I can be a pessimist though endeavor not to be. I would say I'm generally very good at reading people and recognising when people need support or encouragement. However, a real failing is sometimes I can over analyse what people say and how they say it, and that can make me paranoid. Recently I was assessed and diagnosed unofficially with ADHD – which makes a lot of sense. 2. How would other people describe you? Friendly, chatty…maybe over chatty at times. I think they would say I appear to be very confident which is not true. I’m often a jabbering wreck inside. I think they might say I’m helpful, though maybe others think I can be bossy…. I guess in our own minds we know our intention even if we don’t portray it in the right way. How did you feel being diagnosed with ADHD later in life? It was relief to me! I have always been both hyper and over analytical especially of people’s emotional responses. I would worry about tone of voice or slight difference in intonation and then ruminate on it ! Apparently this is common in Women who have ADHD. Did a diagnosis help you understand yourself more? It has helped to reduce the going over and over stuff so I can think – this is not me it’s the ADHD! However with it comes the sensitivity of recognising in other people when they are unhappy or vulnerable and help where possible, so it's not all negative. How did you find working in education? I never expected to work in education in the roles I did, and never saw myself as a teacher. I taught a night class teaching at one of the local colleges in Sheffield for some extra money ,and taught human Biology GCSE for several years and A-level biology- though I had no teaching qualification! I think the best teachers don’t necessarily have the best qualifications…how did family life fit into this? I really enjoyed it. After finishing the post doctoral two year research, I was pregnant with Sarah and she was due to the date that my research grant ran out, and so it all felt like it was meant to be. And then you moved back to Derbyshire… I fell pregnant with Pat so that there was just over 3 years between them. We decided we would move back to Derbyshire as John had a new job in Chesterfield and my Dad had died…so we moved to Tansley. You had your own business with your husband… After a little while John decided he wanted to set up his own business designing control software and this all went very well. I worked for the business too. However, after a couple of years during the recession in the early 90s, the business, like many others, was struggling. I needed to be able to independently get a job! So you went back to teaching? I decided the quickest would be to do a one year PGCE. I chose to do this for primary as I already had lots of experience with secondary (GCSE teaching). I loved every minute from then on. I was constantly trying to develop myself in that role and loved it. What does education need now? Greater funding, wider training and far more support for newly qualified teachers especially. We need to be looking at how the children learn best… They do this when they are using a focus that interests them ! What do friends and family mean to you? Family and friends mean the world to me ! My family have always lived in this beautiful area and I love it. It is my base, my grounding and in my soul. My family and close friends are my world- my rocks , my support and my fun. The close friends you have never question why you need them; they are just there! In this mess of a world, what brings you hope? I think I'm generally an optimist about the world. I am very lucky as I have a number of special people in my life both family and close friends- I have a feeling that life will find a way through our myriad of current problems. The things that give me hope are children because they look at the world in a very straightforward way, Animals because their needs are simple and often give unconditional love , and gardens because they are always full of hope and expectation! How would you spend your ideal weekend? My ideal weekend would be pottering in the garden and hopefully the sunshine and the dogs and grandchildren running around. Where is your favourite place in the world? My favourite place in the world is a tricky one to answer . I have travelled to many places and really loved it...but for me to be honest there is no place like home. Film: Gone with the wind Song: Lovely Day- Bill Withers Tv Series: Brideshead Revisited Book: Tess of the D'urbervilles Stage show: Jersey Boys Word: Endeavour At times I stand
away from sight [always] and I swear I’m back at the beginning when not having anything said everything there was to say. I removed the thread from the sheet. It was white it was something to do because nobody warns that you clock watch... ...obsessively clock watch and laugh at every twitch or change, like it's Sunday Night at the Bleeding Palladium I removed the thread– I held it and I released it over my shoulder and watched it fall twisting, slowly, involuntarily away from my touch. Rob Mosley 41 ‘You can only do what you can with the time and resources you have available to do it. Anything else is an unrealistic expectation…’ I met Rob when we were both TA’s at a secondary school. We became fast friends sharing a love of Derby County and J.R.R Tolkien. He is a very interesting man- in some ways a quiet observer, but once you get talking to him you can have such deep and eclectic conversations. Caring, funny and clever, it’s been fascinating completing this interview with him. He has moved on to a new chapter as a husband and father, which he talks about with great love and honesty. How would you describe yourself? I'd like to think that I'm compassionate, trustworthy and loyal. Bit of an overthinker at times. My view of myself has changed over time and is still fairly malleable depending how I'm feeling. Suppose that would be the same for most people? How would others describe you? I think others would describe me as disorganised, laid back and earnest. It depends on who they are and how they know me… We met working in a school. What do you think of the state of education at the moment? Well, I haven't been at the coal face as it were for almost ten years now, so I'm not sure how valid any opinion I might give would be... It certainly has gone through some changes… Obviously COVID has happened since I left which I imagine was something of an earthquake for all involved. There is also the general background of rising cost of living, coupled with the ongoing conflicts in Ukraine and Gaza. It can be hard to try to explain the state of the world at the moment to young people… I imagine that for most children, to a greater or lesser extent, these things would be cause for concern and worry on top of the pressure to achieve academically which is ever present. How about education in general? The impression I get is that education has much in common with other areas of the public sector. All driven by data and targets with little consideration/lip service for the needs of the actual human beings, supposedly, at the centre of it all! Politics is often the antithesis of passion unfortunately… You’ve become a father! Has it changed your outlook on the world? Fatherhood. Wow, on every level. It's next level busy! Being that responsible for another human being (keeping her alive etc) and the absolute dependency they have on you would be a little overwhelming if you stopped to think about it too much! Luckily being a parent doesn't afford you that kind of time! It's relentless! But you enjoy it? It's the best thing that has ever happened to me. You don't think you can love someone quite that much until it happens. You also become more selfless than you ever imagined you could be. You are clearly smitten though! My daughter is 13 months old at the minute and growing up so fast it's frightening but it is wonderful to see her developing as a person every day. I worry for her life- all parents do for their children. What are the challenges? I think about her future and the challenges she will face (eventually without my wife and I) AI, climate change and the never ending cycle of conflict we put ourselves through as a species. Also, now, whenever I watch things on TV or read things to do with crime or horrendous accidents I almost automatically think, "What if that was her!?!" I’m sure every parent has that fear… Having said all that, she will adjust along with the rest of her generation to the opportunities and challenges that they have to face just as all cohorts before them have done. We share a love of fantasy. What interests you in that world? I suppose that ever since I could remember, I've been interested in things beyond the tangible 'real world'. Things you can't walk out your door and see or experience. When I was very young that was things like space, dinosaurs, Greek and Norse myths and legends, fairy tales etc. I like the escapism and sense of wonder and possibility, I think. I think we speak more about Lord of the Rings than anything else when we chat! I read 'The Lord of the Rings' in my dissertation year as an undergraduate (History). It had sat on my shelf for years prior to that and I decided that I would use it to alleviate the stress of study. It also helped that the films were out while I was at university so there was a bit of impetus to get it finished before the last one came out! I've been hooked on all things Middle Earth ever since. What do you love most about the world? I find it frustrating that Tolkein died before he could fully flesh out his fictional world but I suppose that is also what makes it so intriguing. You have just enough material to make it interesting but not enough for a definitive account. The gap is where your own imagination lives! Where is your favourite place in the world? Probably going to sound a bit worthy but my favourite place in the world is wherever myself and my family and friends are at the same time. Places become special when you can associate them with meaningful memories and they become part of your history. How about historically then? Two of the places that are most special to me are the house that I grew up in and my grandparents house. Both places now only exist in my memory as my grandparents have passed away and I moved out of my childhood home aged seven. Both houses have also been altered and so the place I remember is no longer there. Our old house in Nottingham is the place I moved into with my now wife. We went through COVID there, got engaged, got married, got pregnant and had our daughter while in that house so that place will always be special. The rest is geography and architecture. If you were to push me on a favourite location divorced from that my favourite city is Rome (Florence runs it a close second). I also have a soft spot for Dolgellau in North Wales due to childhood holidays and Stoborough in Dorset as we got married there. Let’s talk DCFC! I attended my first Derby game at the Baseball Ground in 1989 (incidentally the year my wife was born!) and had a season ticket for 17 years from 2006 until 2023 when my daughter came along. I still get to the odd game and I'm hoping to get back long term eventually! What does family mean to you? I find the older you get the greater your appreciation for those closest to you. You develop a real understanding and empathy for what your parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles went through bringing up a family, having a job, running a house etc. Similarly, you are going through all of that at the same time as your friends which is a real bonding experience. Having said that, I am extraordinarily lucky to have been brought up in a very close and loving family. We were never well off financially but I never wanted for what is important in life. When you are young you assume everyone is raised the way you are but as you get older (I have also worked in education, mental health and social work) you come to realise that not everyone is so fortunate. And friends? I have several friends whom I have known all my life and several others I've known for thirty odd years now. Again, I'm very lucky. That kind of friendship and trust is what sees you through in the end. I don't know where I'd be without them! To paraphrase a fairly well known quartet from Liverpool, we all get by with a little help from our friends don't we!?! (The kind that will still need us when we are 64!) What words of wisdom do you have to offer to those struggling with life? Don't worry about things you can't control. Most people greatly overestimate how much influence over events/their lives they actually have. You can only do what you can with the time and resources you have available to do it. Anything else is an unrealistic expectation. Not everything that can be measured is important, not everything that’s important can be measured. Film: Magnolia Song: Time- Pink Floyd Stage Show: A Man For All Seasons TV series: The Wire Book: The Lord of the Rings- J.R.R. Tolkien Word: Labyrinthine |
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