LAURA TATAM 39 'I’m nice to everyone because that’s my default setting. Nowadays I don’t worry as much if people don’t reciprocate that. I’ve learnt that not everyone is going to like me and that’s okay...' I met Laura when I started working at a Secondary school on my return from Liverpool. She is an English teacher who knows and loves her subject. She exudes warmness. She genuinely cares and wants to make things better for those around her. She has been through a lot in her life, and has, miraculously, come out the other side stronger and kinder than ever. I’m not sure I could have come out the other side such a kind and gentle person. She has taught me such a lot in finding inner peace. She makes me want to be a better person. How would you describe yourself? Ooh now, I’ve never found this easy, it’s like back to the old NRA and writing the personal statement. Be humble but sell yourself! I think I’m kind to all, even those who do me wrong. I don’t like bad feelings and would rather kill people with kindness than nastiness… but I can hold my own if need be. I am head strong and think I have a good moral compass. I love an adventure and to have a laugh wherever possible. I suffer terribly with anxiety and have quite low self esteem which I’m trying to work on. Most importantly, I’m a mum. How would others describe you? I think others would describe me as a weirdo. Bit odd but friendly. Something I have always admired about you is your genuine kindness and love towards people. Is it something you have to work at or does it come naturally to you? I think for so many years I wanted to be liked and I would never want people to think badly of me that I drove myself a bit mad and was so anxious all the time of doing and saying the wrong thing. As I’ve grown up and have a surer sense of who I am and what it means to me to be nice has taken off some of that pressure and anxiety driven worry. I’m nice to everyone because that’s my default setting. Nowadays I don’t worry as much if people don’t reciprocate that. I’ve learnt that not everyone is going to like me and that’s okay. It can be difficult to be nice in this world… I’ve had people treat me incredibly badly, but I still don’t feel absolute hate or illness towards them, and I’m glad as I wouldn’t want to carry that around inside me. It does make me a bit too understanding though, and at times I need to remember just how horrid they are. Anxiety is an awful cross to bear… I’ve often found that it has made me more understanding and kind to others. Have you found that too? Anxiety really is a burden but I do think it makes me more compassionate. I hate to see others go through it and try to be there for anyone struggling- and just anyone- as you never know who is struggling. I think when you know how it feels yourself you just naturally want to help others not feel it. How does that work in your various jobs? Working for the police for example… I’m no pushover and I’ve tackled my share of prisoners and I’ve been incredibly tough when pushed. Sounds like you have a very healthy balance of being kind and not being taken for advantage… I love love and I just like being happy and having equilibrium as much as possible. What you put out you hopefully get back, I like to think the universe knows- and well, karma is a bitch! You are one of those humble people who will suddenly let slip you worked in Australia and for the police… your life does seem to be an adventure… Ahh blimey Ellie! I’m blushing here! Thank you…I’m not one to admire though! I disagree! I’ve always been one for an adventure. I’ve never shied away from a new experience. I have my parents to thank for that, who I guess taught me to never settle, to always go for what I wanted. “You have to go for what you want Locket, it won’t be handed to you on a plate.” A relationship which has always moved me is between you and your best friend… I have a wonderful best friend who believes in me and encourages me, and who always has my back. She’s my soulmate in friend form. Sophie. So as much as I’ve had a very many weird and wonderful adventures, it’s thanks to those around me for getting me there. You’re an English teacher during a difficult time for schools… I think working in schools in any role is hard. I really feel for midday supervisors, they have such a hard job of trying to ensure students stay safe and calm during the only time they have to be free. It must be such a battle. Yes, there are so many unsung heroes in school. How do you keep positive? For me it’s always been about the students in front of me. They make me laugh…they can really tick me off too! I hope I’m fair in my approach and they know there’s a line that you don’t cross. If you can enjoy yourself while learning then it may just stick in your mind. Has becoming a mother changed your mindset towards teaching? I feel it has. I hope whoever teaches Harriette one day does their best by her and that drives me to do the same for these children, but also, she is my priority. There’s no second go around so any annoyances at work I feel I try and let it go. I know you had a very difficult time in your teens and beyond… I became a young carer of sorts when my mum had a huge stroke when I was 14/15, which was hard… but my dad and I overcame things and the huge change in life this brought for us all, but especially my mum. She was so, so sad. It was hard to see someone I loved so much trapped in their lovely body unable to talk or walk and do all the things they loved to do. That sounds horrendous. I remember she wanted to end it all and I was devastated and angry but I realise now how selfish I was being. You weren’t selfish… and I know you did sadly lose her far too soon… She died of a huge brain haemorrhage when I was 17. My world fell apart and I did too. I didn’t care about my A levels, I had a terrible attitude towards my tutor and I didn’t care. I was angry and devastated and I had no idea what to do with all these emotions. There was no therapy back then. So dad and I grieved and put our broken pieces back together in all the wrong ways. Think of a smashed china cup with big gaping holes and the handle stuck on the bottom and it all being held together by sticky tape. We were terrible. Grief is so hard… and at 17, life can be difficult enough… I managed, somehow, to get into Sheffield University to study English and Sociology. My dad asked me not to go. He said he’d lost my mum and he couldn’t stand to lose me. So, I had to go through clearing and go to Derby uni. Your emotions must have been all over the place… I became even more angry and devastated! I rebelled even more, I partied hard and cared about myself less and less. However, I knew what I wanted and I was always head strong. It must have been such a complex time in your life, to say the least… In the depths of depression and anxiety and despair I always had Sophie who had gone away to Hull university. I used to go there and visit her and she’d come back here. Everything was hard but I just had to believe it was okay. Sadly tragedy didn’t leave you alone… In 2022, just as we were about to go in to lock down my wonderful dad died of a massive heart attack at home all alone. I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt… Grief's familiar hand had grabbed hold of me once again. Now I had no parents. I felt like my identity had gone. My support system, the last person who felt like home. The person I called every night for an hour or more. My world ended. I am so sorry. How did you cope? Sophie moved me in with her despite it being lock down and her having a new baby! My rock as ever. I had therapy and with other members of the family I have managed to pick myself up again and appreciate all that life has to offer. And then you had your own health battles to overcome… I found out in 2014 that I’d had a mini stroke and it was a huge blow to me. I felt like a ticking time bomb and that I was going to end up like my mum! Bound to a wheelchair, unable to talk or communicate in any way. I pulled myself around again and got on with life. I’d decided if it was going to happen it will happen and I’d better get busy living while I can. I’ve had Covid five times, developed long covid which has given me ME and lots of medical troubles. I was hospitalised for a week as the Covid attacked me and it goes to your weakest points so I seemed like I’d had a full stroke, I couldn’t talk properly or walk. Again, I picked myself up and had physio therapy and got back to myself again. Two miscarriages later and a very unpleasant experience in love… I’m picking myself up again but this time for my darling girl. Yes, congratulations on becoming a new mum to gorgeous Harriette! Has it totally changed your life around? Ahh becoming a mum, the greatest adventure of them all! I think because I’ve had a life full of adventures I feel completely ready for this one. She didn’t make the easiest of entrances though! It was so hard giving birth under general anesthetic as I didn’t witness her being born and when they placed her on me when I was coming round I had no idea what was going on. I thought I was in an experiment for nature vs nurture. I was absolutely off my face on morphine though! She is most definitely worth it though! She’s my sidekick in life. I’m her mum and she’s my daughter and I can’t wait to take her on adventures and show her what this life is about as much as I can. I’ll try and step back and let her choose her own path and experience her own adventures. I’ll be right here for her every step though. I sing the theme from Gilmore Girls [Where you Lead- Carole King] to Harriette, and no matter if she’s crying, laughing or playing she stops and looks at me the whole time. Thank you for getting me into the series! You are most welcome! To end on a magical note…Harry Potter is a big part of your life. Why do you think it has touched so many people for so long? Harry Potter! Now, I’d love to teach this in universities, I’ve already got a rough scheme of work in my head planned! I’d sign up for that class! I think so many people love it because there’s some part in it that you can relate to. It’s comforting in its darkness that even in sadness good things can come. That there’s injustice and there’s hardship, but how you deal with that determines your life. Who is your favourite character? Harry Potter. I love Dobby and Luna and all the others, but this is Harry’s life and for me I sort of find comfort in reading of how he grows up without his parents and still makes a success of his life. Probably because that resonates with me and my life. It’s also just a bloomin’ great bit of escapism! BOOK: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban SONG: Where You Lead- Carole King SHOW: Hamilton FILM: Dead Poets Society SERIES: Friends A FINAL WORD: Lavaré
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