‘I’m no longer afraid of storms, because I’m learning how to steer my ship.’ Hello! Melissa here… hacking into this blog to interview the creator herself… ELLIE! Thank you so much to the woman herself for letting me do this! It is a privilege to be able to speak to Ellie and learn more about her, from her upbringing in the theatre (literally!) to writing, her inspirations, and why she has created a beautiful online trend of note leaving. Ellie has always been one of my most inspirational friends, for so many reasons - her kindness, positive vibe, warmth, sheer talent (I cannot wait to read her book one day, I am patiently waiting!) and so much more - but this year she truly has shown to be one of the strongest people I know. Through difficult times and tough periods in life, she has risen and grown to be even stronger. An inspiration to many, and I am so proud! Fun fact, I can still remember asking her on the first day of our MA ‘Ach what type of bloggin’ d’ye do?’ and she had to ask me to repeat myself with a polite, ‘Pardon?’ Hahahaha! Luckily she is well used to the accent now! And I am so happy to be writing this with her. Let’s dive in… Nice and easy first. How would you describe yourself? Messy. Literally and metaphorically! I have a ‘messy brain’, which can be both a burden and a blessing- and I’m a messy person. I’m always writing, reading, and making things so the rooms I’ve been in are always a mess. I would call it organised chaos- but I suspect people I’ve lived with would disagree! The irony is that I would prefer a calm mind and a tidy space- ain’t that the way! I feel things very deeply. Again- a burden and blessing. I can find joy in the small things, but equally I can be hurt by them too. I cannot stand injustice. It eats away at me. However, I don’t like to hold a grudge. If we can talk things through and then move on, I’m happy. I always strive to be kind and to treat everyone with care and love. I want people to be happy, and if they’re not, I like to try and help in whatever way I can. I don’t judge anyone, and I believe in second chances. Anybody wanting to better themselves should be loved and respected for that, not for their past. I have anxiety and depression- it’s an ongoing battle. But I don’t want it to define me as a person- but I acknowledge that it is a part of me. I’m still learning to choose my battles… when to push myself and when to protect myself. I’m a bit of a contradiction because of it. I have wanderlust and a desire for comfort zones in equal measures! I realise I’m unusual. I don’t really fit ‘in’ to ‘usual’ social circles. I find that very difficult… that’s why I love the ones closest to me so fiercely. Creativity is my safety and my constant. I can’t just sit and watch something [unless it’s in a cinema or theatre.] I always have to be writing, reading, or making something. How would others describe you? Ever since I started asking that question to others I’ve wondered how I would answer it…it’s difficult. I guess it’s pay-back time in that respect! Absolutely! I’d like to think people thought I was kind and creative… but I think, honestly, people probably see me as somebody a bit odd. I suspect I’m the butt of many jokes and sneers- I’ve been looked down on a lot in my life. I think I would much rather be ‘odd; than like everybody else. You are unique! And so open, loving and kind. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and when I’m feeling any extreme emotion I find it hard to mask- and it can come out wrong or messy [there’s that word again!]. It’s something I’m always working on. What do you find helps you navigate these ‘messier’ emotions and feelings? Music is my constant. I was raised on good music- obviously musicals, but also The Rat Pack, Buddy Holly, Elvis, Queen, Kate Bush, The Carpenters… I had parents with good taste! Definitely! I can relate with some of these choices. I love how you know so much about the musicians you listen to. You also are my go to for all things Beatles! My goodness, where to start with The Beatles… they shaped so much of my life. I obviously knew of The Beatles and knew some of their songs. I was into The Monkees in my tweens, so I was always into music my friends weren’t necessarily into. My parents used to play the ‘One’ album in the car… I stayed up late one night when I was about 13/14 and watched A Hard Day’s Night and from that day, I just became immersed in every part of them. They fascinated me. They were so naturally funny… just watch the opening train scene, they are so sure of themselves, despite the hysteria around them there is almost a side glance to the camera ‘we know this is phoney, but stick with us.’ I immersed myself in their lives. Me being me, I got every book I could find, every documentary, every song… they became a bit of a lifestyle! But I was only doing what other people were doing with boy bands… mine were just a tad older! I bet you loved living in Liverpool as well, as you spent so long in their hometown! I went to Liverpool and did the whole tourist thing- the Magical Mystery Tour, The Cavern etc.. but I returned again and again and fell more in love with the city itself. I also loved that there was usually an inspiration within the songs- and yet people could make their own mind up what the lyrics meant. That definitely had a huge impact on my writing. It’s amazing how inspiring music can be for us as writers. I always feel so much creative energy from live music too. I’ve been lucky enough to see Paul McCartney twice in concert- alongside other incredible gigs such as Oasis, Bob Dylan, Elton John, Paul Weller… isn’t it incredible how music and words can have such an impact and unite people? It’s such a powerful thing. The Beatles are the soundtrack to my writing. Not to say I don’t have other playlists- I like to think I have eclectic taste- but I think their words and music are always subconsciously there. You have deep roots in the musical theatre world from your own childhood. Every show we go to - you’ve either been in, seen already, or your mum and dad has! That’s so amazing! What was it like growing up in a musical family? For the most part, it was wonderful. My life revolved around the stage. My Mum and Dad met playing opposite each other in Oklahoma!, so theatre was omnipresent from day one. My Dad was actually on stage when my Mum went into labour with me! When I was born, I was diagnosed with Cutis Marmorata Telangiectatica Congenita, a very rare disorder, which the doctors knew little about. There still isn’t much information available, unfortunately. My right leg is shorter and thinner than the other and it has a purple and blue marble appearance. I call it my party piece! My Mum had a midwife who had a very poor bedside manner. She looked at my leg and declared it a wasted limb, she said ‘it would have to come off’, and that I was ‘most probably blind.’ So I got off very easily!! I can’t believe the midwife said that! I remember you showing me your ‘littler leg’ as you called it at the time. But it hasn’t held you back at all, has it? As a result of my diagnosis, the doctors advised my parents to get me to dance class as soon as they would allow… so I joined Dawn Aldred and Essential Energy when I was two years old. I loved dance but I was never a natural- I had to work hard to keep up. Dawn became a family friend and often choreographed my Mum and Dad’s shows for their theatre company, Spotlight. Singing and acting were always a more natural force for me. My Dad said I could sing before I could talk. I had voice lessons from an incredible lady named Brenda- and I had clarinet lessons for seven years, so I could read music, which is such a gift. It’s like knowing a whole other language. So many talents! What was your favourite form of performing? Acting was my real love. I loved wrapping myself up in a character. Performing was everything and was absolutely what I wanted to do forever. My whole family was involved, so we were incredibly close. Both my brothers performed. My Mum is an incredible actress and my Dad can match any West End performer with his voice... no pressure! That being said, I can honestly say I never felt jealous or competitive. I was never anything but proud. I still am. I am sure there have been many highs and lows in theatre life as well? I had some incredible times - performing at the Pomegranate, Buxton Opera House, in front of the Queen at Pride Park and even the West End a couple of times…sadly it all ended very abruptly and horribly when I was 16/17. That’s the only problem being in the ‘family business’ - it can unravel and you have to try and keep your head above water. What do you do when all of your hopes and dreams have suddenly become tarnished? I felt like part of myself had been ripped away. It wasn't just being on stage- Spotlight was my second family. I think I missed being backstage and being with them more than anything else. I struggled on through my A-Level Theatre exam, but I was on autopilot. The love had gone and it was so difficult. The stage, which had always been my home, my safe place, became a reminder of what I had lost. I was so sad in those days. Lost, angry, confused… I was in such a bad place. I was told later that I was the only student to ever get 100 percent in their practical though, so maybe I was channelling my anger in some way! You are AMAZING! I am so sorry you went through all of this. It just goes to show how strong you are to keep on fighting through and creating. The arts can really help us express ourselves sometimes. Do you think expression through theatre and writing gave you the strength to carry on through hardship? I do believe without my theatre background I would have struggled to find my own writing voice. I never thought I would become a writer, but I was always writing - usually scripts performed in my front garden with very kind and patient neighbours in attendance! My Dad wrote successful plays and musicals. Wax was a finalist in the Vivienne Ellis awards. That’s so cool! I remember seeing the videos you showed me. What is your favourite musical? I loved Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice. Jesus Christ Superstar is an absolute masterpiece. And when I was 8/9, Les Miserables was on constantly - I still know every word! I sang Castle on a Cloud at more family events and showcases than I can count… so Les Mis is still a favourite. One Day More has never been bettered as a closing first act number in my opinion. I was introduced to classics from a very young age through Spotlight - West Side Story, Guys and Dolls, Evita, Chess, Cabaret… the latter I went to every rehearsal for but I couldn’t see it on stage because I was too young! It sounds like it was definitely a great escape for you to ‘pause life!’ - a famous quote from your mum (we love Debs!)... When everything turned rough at home, I found musicals to fit my mood, like ‘Rent.’ I am so grateful that although performing became painful, I never lost the love of the stage. I do get the occasional pang, especially when I hear the orchestra warming up, but I can still become immersed in the magic, and I still consider it a huge part of my life. Since then, I have discovered the likes of Hamilton, which has probably become my favourite musical of all time (for now!). Okay, now for an even trickier question… what is your favourite book in the world? That is a bold statement! I think it is a bookworm's nightmare question - but I’ll try! I’m tempted to say Harry Potter because it’s such a comfort read. I grew up with it. I always love to tell the story of when my Y4 teacher asked what I was reading. ‘Harry what?’ she said. That wouldn’t happen anymore! Whenever I go away I always have a copy with me because, as cheesy as it sounds, it feels like home. However, at a push, and I think you guessed it… I have to go with The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. I remember you recommended The Kite Runner to me and my mum very kindly sent me it as a gift - IT RUINED ME! I felt this book so intensely. It stayed with me and I couldn’t shake it. If I could write something with even a quarter of its power, I would be ecstatic. Did you always know you wanted to write? I think so. Even when I couldn’t read or write I made up stories. I used to draw in my story books and make-up side characters and stories. We have family videos of me ‘reading’ to my baby brother, and I’m just making up my own thing! As soon as I could physically write, I was away. Stories, plays, poems… I loved it, but I didn’t know it was something I could pursue as a career… I just wrote because it felt natural to do so! So you were definitely more of a creative kid… I adored creative writing at school. That freedom to just write was a joy. It saddens me that that is often not the case anymore… the reason I loved creative writing was because there was no right or wrong as found in Science or Maths. Now students have to include a tick list of what they need to include in their creative writing… so they can write a brilliant sentence but it can still be considered ‘wrong.’ I hate that. This is so true. And it’s often at that young age that it's so important to instill this creative confidence in young people. It’s what inspired me to do an extra-curricular writing club - where kids could just write - not worried about being right or wrong. They produced stunning pieces, I was ridiculously proud of them. That’s so inspiring. You’ve done amazing, and I am sure you sparked something special in your students. What about you - what are your favourite themes to write about? Family, mistakes, overcoming… hopefully writing that people can relate to. I love people generally… so I love writing about them! The more complicated and eccentric the better! That being said, I don’t like to be pigeon-hold into one genre. I like to be excited by different styles and I always like to be inspired by something new. Who are your main influences? At the moment I am reading Christopher Isherwood- I love his style- autobiographical but enough fiction to give him the freedom to be in control of the narrative. I’m grateful to have had so many incredible tutors at LJMU… Sarah Maclennan, Andrew McMillan, Jeff Young, Cathy Cole, Horatio Clare, John Sayle… to name just a few. You’re right ! We were so lucky. And would you say you have an idol? Can I have more than one?? That’s such a difficult question! They can be alive or not, or someone you know or don’t! Names spring to mind… Lin-Manuel Miranda, Bobby Kennedy, Khaled Hosseini… I loved something Fred Rogers did. He used to do this really beautiful thing whenever he was in front of an audience. He would get everybody to close their eyes and think of people who have made their lives better, whether they have passed or not. It’s amazing the people who come to mind - so I suppose I would say everyone who comes to me in those moments. The people who have lifted and guided me… and I hope they know who they are. Overall, my Mum though. She is incredible. She has been through more than any human should… and she is still so kind, selfless, inspiring… I’m not sure I could have gone through what she has been through and come out the other side still such a beautiful human being, inside and out. Your mum is a force of nature - so inspiring and incredibly strong. With an amazing daughter! And it’s obvious this kindness runs in your family… Can you tell us more about the wonderful positivity notes series you started up? Where did it come from? My passion project! The idea wasn’t pre-planned, it just kind of grew… It first started when I was in full blown dissertation mode for my Masters… I was rooting through books in the university library. In one there were various notes left by another student - you could practically feel the stress in the way they had written the notes, illegible at times… so I just found myself scribbling a message on a post-it, something like ‘You got this’... something positive for somebody battling with deadlines to find and hopefully bring a smile! (Side-note… I love people who annotate books! Even a line which has been highlighted- you get a story within a story!). This led to me getting the idea to hide more positive notes in various places for people to find… It started out as post-it notes, but now if it's something I can write on, I will leave something positive on it! I love doing it and hearing how my notes have helped people. I have had responses that have reduced me to tears - often people seem to find them at a time they need to, which is so lovely…But I don’t like people knowing I leave them when I’m out and about! I’m not completely ‘Banksy’ about it, but I feel oddly shy! The other day I was in a beer garden we often go to and one of the workers came up to me and said, 'Excuse me, are you the lady who leaves the notes?' I was a bit cautious because for all I know he was coming to have a go at me for leaving them on the tables! So I said, 'Maybe.' He kind of teared up and said, 'I just wanted to say thank you. The other week I lost everything - my house, my family, everything. Just knowing somebody still cared. It meant such a lot.' Oh wow, that’s got me feeling emotional! An amazing moment - I thanked him over and over for opening up. It's moments like that that keep me making and leaving them. I love them. I think it’s beautiful when people reach out to you after finding them too. I still keep the one you left in my apartment, safely in my purse! The quotes can help so much. We just never know what anyone is going through. What’s the best quote you’ve ever heard? If you can choose! Ahh, again so many… I like that old one- ‘I’m no longer afraid of storms, because I’m learning how to steer my ship.’ I think I use ‘Be Kind’ the most though. A simple but powerful message. Film: Back to the Future Song: In My Life- The Beatles Tv Series: Brideshead Revisited Book: The Kite Runner- Khaled Hosseini Stage show: Hamilton Word: Kind
1 Comment
Joan
6/20/2024 10:33:42 am
Beautiful. Never let anyone look down on you. You are way above them. You’re still young but you are a member of my lovely Wise Woman Tribe. x
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorEllie Fearn Categories
All
Archives |