0 Comments
The Kite Runner Sheffield Lyceum 8th June 2024 'There is a way to be good again…' Back in 2008, I opened a book that, I think I can say without being flowery or exaggerating, changed my life. There are exceptional books, then there are the ones that, when you finish, you just sit and stare into space for a while. Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner was one of those books for me. If I am ever brave enough to get a tattoo, I would no question have ‘For you a thousand times over’. It changed the way I read, wrote, and even viewed the world around me. Back in 2013, I walked into the Nottingham Theatre Royal, to see one of the first performances of the theatrical adaptation by Matthew Spangler. I was excited but also nervous. As stated, this book is very special to me. I was relieved, therefore, to see a stunning piece of theatre. Superbly acted, I found myself captivated in a story I knew so well. It was, thankfully, so much better than the Dreamworks 2007 film adaptation, which although had its moments, was tame and safe, presumably to secure a 12 certificate. The play has no such concerns, and tells the story as it should be told- after all, although a work of fiction, Hosseini is tapping into the truths of so many. The truth is often ugly, and doesn’t fit into a 12 certificate barrier. I also saw the play again when I moved to Liverpool in 2014; my first week as a student, I found comfort in the familiar story I knew so well. So, this was my third viewing, with a fair few years and experiences in between! The Kite Runner tells the story of Amir and Hassan, best friends growing up in 1970s Afghanistan. Their lives are torn apart by political unrest and the upcoming war. A story of love, class and ultimately forgiveness and redemption. The play has now been on various tours and stints on the West End and Broadway. It was warming to see the Lyceum almost full on a Saturday matinee. Times are tough, and the theatre is a luxury. Touring shows are commonly filled with family favourites and well known musicals, guaranteed to sell out. The Kite Runner is the opposite of any huge musical production. Its genius is in its simplicity. A sparse stage, a carpet and very few props. The power of this play is the story, and thank goodness for that. The cast are solid, as they need to be. It is a difficult story to bring to life and very word heavy. There are scenes that didn’t hit me as powerfully as they did with the previous cast, and there are moments of misplaced humour which are jarring, but I still cried and got once again swept along with the story. I have to highlight Bhavin Bhratt who plays the villain Assef, performs the character superbly. He skillfully goes from manic to a sinister menacing presence, making him truly frightening. Yazdan Qafouri was the star of the show for me. His heartbreakingly innocent portrayal of Hassan, and later Sohrab, was heartbreaking and utterly believable. There is a moment towards the end of the show that absolutely made me sob. A stunning performance. Another special nod to Hanif Khan, the only returning cast member from the original run, whose superb tabla playing sets the atmosphere for the production before even the first line is spoken. The Kite Runner is why we go to the theatre. To learn, feel and to leave somewhat changed. Even on a repeat visit, I feel I experienced something very special. The Kite Runner continues its UK tour until July 2024 You used my Netflix login I got the warning ‘A new device has logged in to your account’ and it was you. You logged in and clicked on my name Clicked on my name and browsed. My name which dripped like bile out of your mouth and I almost laughed because you'd taken everything else but the audacity of clicking on my name... Did you pause for a second before you clicked? You opened me and searched my guilty pleasures My comfort viewings, to keep thoughts of you at bay Callow eyes somehow justifying your choices shamelessly restarting my half-watched season so you could see it from the beginning So I changed the password In the middle of your next episode We get lost all the time You and I amongst the summer hedgerows kissing the sky Looking for calm Looking for peace Amongst the summer hedgerows You and I I’ve heard the girl with kaleidoscope eyes Is back to show us the way… The hedgerows cover us Protect us Who would dare take on their natural power? Even monsters who sit behind desks who choose to scare with the rise of an eyebrow, a flick of their pen, Don’t stand a chance Against you and I and the summer hedgerows Summer hedgerows keeping us from a world so cruel But this natural world, it lives through it all Through us all The summer hedgerows get cut down and they grow back Again and again Bent, broken, screaming at the sky But grow and grow they do I love the eyes reading this Lewis Carty 30 'Yes, I know it's not been an easy road to travel down. There have been many obstacles that I have faced as well, and issues with certain people that I had with in the past, but I have learnt along the way...' Lewis is an exceptional man. I first met him when I was a teaching assistant and he a student at a secondary school. Writing that makes me feel very old, although for my own vanities sake, I was straight out of A-Levels myself! It has been such a privilege to have been even a small part of Lewis's journey, and to have kept in touch with him all these years. He is passionate about telling his story, and I was thrilled when he got in touch saying he wanted me to interview him. I hope you enjoy! How would you describe yourself? Well, how I describe myself, well, I often think that I am usually a very happy and cheerful chap, and sometimes quite funny and comical as well with some things. I often go through phases when something negative happens, like a couple of things happened this year that were pretty negative, but I have been finding ways to push through and keep being the better person that I am now. How would others describe you? There are many people who think of me as one of the kindest and most helpful people to anyone who ever needed it, and sometimes quite a happy and cheerful chap. Even though I know some people don't see me like that, but I am not here to talk about them, because I don't want this to be a negative thing. What is your job? I work 39 hours a week as a Waste Disposal Technical Operative in a Sandpaper Foam Block Factory. I have worked there for over seven years this year, and have been in two careers up to this point since leaving school at 17. I am happy to be somewhere I feel like I belong. What’s one of the most important things in the world to you? I am a huge music fan and I listen to a lot of different things. I can't live without it, and also being an Autistic person as well, I let music help me to get through certain things too. Being Autistic doesn't deprive me from what I have to do. Have you had any difficulties growing up with autism? The hardest things about being Autistic came mainly from when I was younger, when I was not fitting in with many other people at the time. Some people thought of me as a threat and said they didn't like me, when I hadn't done anything to them. It pushed me away. I felt exiled from those people and I hated the fact that I was addressed as a special needs child at school and all that. I am happy now that being an adult, I feel that I have broken away from that bubble of being addressed as a special needs person, and happy to continue to do things and get on with what I do now. How about the positives? Autism doesn't deprive me from what I do for my work, or going out with my friends or family. I am also a lot happier to open up about things than I used to be, and also I often help other parents with special needs children themselves. I volunteer with my local Scout Group. I think those are the best things about being Autistic. How was school life for you? Well, I want to try and talk about this without being so nasty, and I don't want to mention anyone's names. I had an amazing time at school with many people, but it was more towards the end of my final year, that I wasn't happy with a lot of things and I was becoming disillusioned with being with the others [students] everyday. It started to bother me hugely that I was getting trouble from some of the teachers there, and some of them started saying that, 'I wouldn't last five minutes in a job' and 'The employers would be too scared to employ me' and all that sort of stuff, and that really riled me, you know, it riled me a lot, and I just felt that I really wanted to go. That’s an awful thing for someone to say to you… When I left, I found sanctuary in what I wanted to do, and I feel happier with what I am doing now. I must say that there hasn't been a falling out or any animosity between me and the others [students] I have been with, and I am happy with what they are doing. think it was nice to be apart for a while and we did meet each other a couple of times, but I don't think we want to meet all the time. You often say you have succeeded at life ‘despite being autistic.’ Can you explain what you mean by that? Well, how I have succeeded at life, despite being Autistic is somewhat complicated. I personally think it’s because I have been in a working life since I was 17. It took me seven years to get a permanent role in the job I am doing now, and I have had two careers . In my view, it's a massive achievement to me. Also working voluntarily as a Beaver Scout Leader…it's fantastic to help the children and also know the other locals in my home village by doing that as well, it's fantastic. You didn’t let anyone hold you back.. Despite the comments that I was told when I was leaving school, I knew that they were all wrong, because I am happy to be where I am now. Yes, I know it's not been an easy road to travel down. There have been many obstacles that I have faced as well, and issues with certain people that I had with in the past, but I have learnt along the way. Were you inspired by anyone? I recently found out that former pop singer Daniel Bedingfield has been diagnosed with Autism and that shocked me as I was listening to an interview with him recently…when he mentioned that, I couldn't believe what I heard. It made me wonder why I connected to his song, 'Never Gonna Leave Your Side' so much when I was a kid. I have re-listened to the song lately after hearing that interview, and it clicked with me a lot. I don't claim to be like other autistic people, however, because I know they have their own ways of dealing with it and have done better with it, and I want to do the same with my own success, and help others with it as well and help others to understand it better. What ways can we try and understand autism better? Autism Awareness is a lot better than when I was a kid, but it's still got a long way to go. I am happy to have seen many TV Shows relating to Autistic people, especially in a fictional context like The A Word and After Thomas, which are worth watching. I have watched those Chris Packham Autism Documentaries, especially the Inside Autistic Minds documentary, where four Autistic individuals have made their own little Autism short films and that was brilliant. I enjoyed those. I know music is a huge passion of yours… I was introduced to Elvis Presley, The Beatles, Michael Jackson and Buddy Holly and all that from the age of four or five, and I used to play them constantly as a kid. My Dad was a rock fan, he played Meat Loaf, Mike And The Mechanics and all that stuff, and my Mum was into 80s music and country music such as Bellamy Brothers, Culture Club and all that Who were your early influences? My first favourite band as a kid, as most others were, was Busted, and they still are to this day. I listened to Westlife, Robbie Williams and those pop artists at the time at Primary School. Enrique Iglesias was another favourite artist of mine, at that time. How about when you got a bit older? I went to secondary school and discovered Green Day, Kaiser Chiefs, Oasis, Kings Of Leon, Foo Fighters, Nickelback, Stereophonics, Take That and all the big bands at the time. I got into Bon Jovi as well. When I left school and became a young adult, I started listening to heavier rock and metal music such as Disturbed, Guns N Roses and Metallica and all that as well, and I could list a lot of different artists from that genre of music, and now I listen to a lot of different things too. It's nice to have a good mix of music, especially with female artists I listen to, such as First Aid Kit, Birdy, The Last Dinner Party, Ward Thomas, Catherine McGrath. Birdy's music has helped me with a lot of things that happened this year. I could list many of my favourite artists, but it could take me all day. What would be your dream festival line-up? Well, on Friday Night, my headliner would be Nickelback, supported by Kings Of Leon, Halestorm, Green Day and Hoobastank. Saturday Night Headliner would be First Aid Kit, supported by Birdy, The Staves, Kodaline and Niall Horan. Sunday Night Headliner would be Foo Fighters, supported by Stereophonics, Busted, Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds and The Big Moon. That would be the Dream Festival Line Up. How about your ideal weekend? Well, my ideal weekend would be a night out with some friends at a music concert or live show somewhere on a Saturday night and I could name many artists that me and my friends would like to see, and I could list as many artists I love to see live, but I would love to see Birdy live with some friends, I really would. What is your favourite season? I am a Summer person. I just love to be out in the summer. I am a very active person, so I love a bit of outdoor exercise, with running and walking, etc, and I also do like to be out and have a drink with some friends as well, so I love the summer the most. Do you enjoy reading? Yeah, I do love a bit of reading, but I like to read mostly horror, but I love drama based stories as well. My favourite authors are James Herbert, Shaun Hutson, Richard Laymon and most famously Stephen King, but I have read many Charles Dickens, Thomas Hardy and all those kinds of books in my time.I also have read The Wind In The Willows a lot more than any other novel. I read all the Harry Potter books when I was growing up too. How about TV and films? Well, I love mostly drama, and I am a massive Doctor Who fan, as well, but I love most horror films too, including a film called Cabin Fever which features an actress I love called Cerina Vincent, who used to play a girl called Maya, in a TV Series called Power Rangers: Lost Galaxy that I used to love as a kid and I think you can still love that show as an adult. You're braver than me- I can't watch any kind of horror! I love The Expendables film series too, with Jason Statham, who is one of my favourite actors and I love Carrie, the original with Sissy Spacek in the main role, but I like the Chloe Grace Moretz version too, but not as much as the original. I also love Stig Of The Dump. I am loving Blackadder again as I just bought the DVD Box set today and want to re-watch it properly. I also love Emmerdale and Coronation Street too, but I don't like to talk about them a lot, but living where I live feels a bit like Emmerdale sometimes... I know you are an excellent runner… Yeah. I have been into running since I was 23, and I have been out running to keep myself physically fit, and also it has helped me not feel so distressed with anything. I also have been to the Gym for a while as well, that has also helped to get me physically fit and strong too, it's made me feel like I can get stronger and stronger. I do a bit of boxing in the Gym as well, that's something that has really helped me as well, because as I said earlier of getting distressed as an Autistic person, having some exercise has really helped me as much as listening to music has as well. But I don’t intend to use my boxing skills to be violent to anyone. What advice would you give to anybody who is struggling? My advice would be for anyone who is Autistic or has an Autistic Child, or anyone who suffers from any mental health issues, is to know that we are not alone in this world. I lost one of my best friends in 2018, and that drove me towards my worst point. My friend and her family helped me to open up. In return, I have helped her and her two children after she split up from her ex-husband, especially her daughter who suffers from similar things to me. Are people as understanding towards you? I still get some people who collar me and say some really nasty and unfair things. I admit that I have done the same to some people in the past,, but that was because of how much they provoked me, but I also think that there is a lot of help out there... How do you spread awareness? I have done some charity work with my running in the past for Mind and the National Autistic Society, who are great charities. I also want to give out as much advice as possible, because I normally try to avoid any hateful and discriminatory people against Autistic beings and I see a lot of that online and stuff. There are Autistic communities I follow closely, especially from a guy called Paul Micallef who runs Autism From The Inside on YouTube. He is from Australia and I watch his videos every week, mostly at weekends due to my work and everything, and he is a very interesting guy. I do recommend him. Also, in my view, don't always take advice from some experts, because a lot of them don't know what they are doing. I think that it's not necessary to be addressed with having special needs or a mental health issue. I never liked to be addressed like that. I am happy to be where I am now, and I am happy to help others in need too. Book: Slugs by Shaun Hutson Film: Carrie TV Series: Doctor Who Song: Keeping Your Head Up by Birdy Theatre Show: The War Of The Worlds Word: Unprecedented 2024 U Wri/Dir- John Krasinski I live in a somewhat quiet town. The biggest news at the moment is the fate of the town paddling pool. I say paddling pool, but it in fact now resembles a dirty puddle in the middle of the playground. Luckily, the council has come up with a solution. A choice of two new all-singing, all-dancing splash pads. Of course, this news has been greeted with furious anger, usually reserved for, ‘What do you mean Sainsbury’s closes on Christmas Day?’ or, ‘Why is market day cancelled due to 20 inches of snow? We used to just walk straight through it!’ Petitions, daily Facebook posts, demand that the puddle, sorry, paddling pool stay exactly how it is because, ‘the kids love it.’ The thing is, nobody appears to have asked the kids what they want. All these people commenting are way over the age it is acceptable [at least in polite company] to be paddling in any kind of pool, puddle or not. This long winded story leads me to my point… when we review family films, what perspective should we choose? IF is the latest offering. Is it a good family film? This is where it gets a bit complicated. Watching the trailer, IF looks just the job to entertain the little ones on a rainy day… Fun CGI characters, a bouncy soundtrack, and the compulsory fart joke. With Ryan Reynolds in the lead, and a ‘I know that voice!’ cast [including Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Matt Damon, Emily Blunt, Steve Carrell etc..] it also looked decent enough to keep long-suffering adults entertained too [my Mum understandably attempted to read a paper during Pokemon the Third Movie]. The problem is, all those bouncy, happy, farty moments? They are pretty much shown in the trailer. There isn’t more light, figuratively or literally, in IF. IF tells the story of Bea [ an impressive, understated performance by Cailey Fleming ], a twelve-year-old girl who is getting over the death of her mother, whilst dealing with the fact that her father [John Krasinski- also writer and director of the film] is about to undergo heart surgery, whilst also having to move to a new building. Phew. By this point, you begin to wish that a minion or two would appear. Warning; the first half-an-hour is dark. Bea is whisked off to stay with her kindly but inept grandmother [Fiona Shaw] in a dark, creepy apartment building. The mise-en-scene throughout the film is a similar theme, a brave if not bemusing choice for a family film. My Mum and I took my eight-year-old niece, and we kept giving worried sidelong glances at her. Bea brushes off any kind of offers of help repeatedly saying ‘I’m not a kid anymore.’ Your target audience is though! I kept wishfully thinking. Thank goodness, my niece’s overpriced Pick and Mix and Pepsi kept her entertained enough to get her through a frankly odd, bizarrely paced beginning- until, thankfully, the promised CGI characters appeared. ‘IF’s [or Imaginary Friend's] are running riot in the apartment building, missing the children who imagined them, but had gone on to grow up and forget them. Bea joins Cal [a solid performance by Ryan Reynolds] to try and find them new owners, for reasons never really explained. Without spoiling an admittedly sweet twist; the themes of memory and embracing our past and the ‘safe’ places in our mind, did have me fighting back tears more than once. Still… is this really family fun? I hadn’t even laughed yet. It just all felt a bit… unbalanced. The film doesn’t really know what it wants to be. It’s almost as though Krasinski wanted to make two films. A serious drama film dealing with grief, abandonment and the fear of growing up. The other, a lighthearted child-friendly comedy [which would admittedly be a short film, the jokes aren’t aplenty here…] the two together results in a messy, plodding mess. You don’t feel like you are under the capable hands of Pixar or Disney here Leaving the cinema, my Mum and I discussed in hushed tones our issues with the film. The slow build, the darkness, the lack of jokes… ‘maybe a 6/10?’ I suggested. My niece shook her head. ‘10/10!’ she said firmly. ‘Really?’ I replied in surprise. ‘Were you ever bored?’ ‘At the start I was a bit… but once the IF’s appeared, it was so good, don’t you think?’ She skipped happily to the car, and proceeded to write up the story of the film all the way home- the dark moments as well as the light. Which leads me back to the paddling pool. Without my niece’s input, chances are I would have moaned away about the plot holes [there are a fair few], the unoriginal concept [basically a rip-off of a Supernatural episode, with some Coco mixed in], and the lack of colour and light to keep younger children entertained [despite its U certificate and misleading trailer.] … but the film wasn’t made for me. It was made for my niece, who was captivated, who remembered every part of the film to write down, who asked important questions afterwards. How patronising of me to think she wouldn’t take in the deeper points, alongside the CGI characters and fart jokes. After all, classics such as The Secret Garden, The Land Before Time, and even The Lion King, weren’t afraid to delve into darker areas. Children are capable of taking the light with the dark. Children, it seems, are more willing to give new experiences a chance. Perhaps we critics who think we know it all, should take a step back and listen to the real voice of reason. Let them have the new pool. IF is in cinemas now. Lydia Redfern 35 'Our new life became our new normal. And now when I look back at that time, I cherish it.' Lydia is a beautiful, strong, whirlwind of a lady. She is also one of the most positive people you could meet, despite the hardships she has been through. We met at my parents theatre company, and I always knew we were in for a fun time when she was there. Whenever I have reached out with my mental health issues, she is one of the first to offer friendship and empathy without judgement. I consider every interview I have done to be special in some way… but this truly is a story of overcoming and it has been an absolute honour to interview Lydia. I hope you find Lydia and her family as inspiring as I have. How would you describe yourself? Chatty, sensitive, caring, determined and easily overwhelmed. How would others describe you? I asked my mum this question and she said, loving, generous, happy, jokey, cheeky, kind and she also said a pain in the neck! Haha! My Dad said considerate and empathetic. Where is your happy place? I absolutely love going to Brighton. I grew up in a village in Sussex up until the age of 9. And I feel that Brighton is such a happy place. I also feel happy at our home in Two Dales. The road is busy where we live but I love the sound of the cars. I find it comforting to know that people are nearby. You recently got diagnosed with autism. What was your response? I wasn’t that surprised about the autism diagnosis, because of the long waiting lists, I had time to process it in my head. I felt relief and happiness because I can finally understand my brain. But I also felt a lot of sadness for the younger me, who at times has struggled so much internally with anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. We met in my parents' theatre company… do you still enjoy theatre? I do enjoy the theatre but I’ve discovered recently that re the autism, going to the theatre is quite a sensory overload for me. Thank goodness for the invention of loops haha. I don’t act myself any more. My Australian accent- wasted! I loved your Aussie accent! Thank you! Tell us about meeting Joe… We were at secondary school together, in the same science group! But I didn’t really know Joe at school. When we were 18 I went out with my friend who’s boyfriend at the time played football with Joe and it was a football night out. A random Sunday just before Christmas. I remembered Joe from school and we got chatting. I should also mention that on this night out Joe got fined for weeing in the street! I obviously knew then he was husband material! We exchanged numbers and then a couple of days later went on our first date to the cinema to watch Casino Royale! Before going in I didn't realise it was a James Bond film. The rest, as they say, is history. The wedding sounded fabulous! Joe loves Laurel and Hardy so much. He used to watch it with his Dad when he was younger. Any time he’s watching it, he’s crying with laughter. At our wedding we had a Laurel and Hardy theme- (my way of making it Joe’s day too, because let’s face it, it is all about the bride isn’t it!)? Joe had a bowler hat and our wedding cake was in the shape of a bowler hat! Is that how your eldest got his name? I remember on our honeymoon (I was 12 weeks pregnant when we got married) Joe suggested the name Stan for our baby if it was a boy. I was like no way! That’s an old man's name, you can’t have a baby Stan! But then I kept calling my bump Stan and when we found out it was a boy, he was Stanley! I love that name! And then you had little Reggie- their names just fit! Not long after, life took an extreme change. Are you happy to talk about what happened on your holiday in Greece? Yeah, of course… Can you take us through the day? We were on holiday in Greece, Corfu, with our good friends Gary and Steven. Gary and Steven went home that morning and we had an extra couple of days. Stan and Reggie were 2.5 years and four months old at the time. Because it was raining we decided to hire a car that day and we had a lovely day driving up the mountains. So when were the first signs that something wasn’t right? When we returned to the hotel, we were getting ready to go for dinner and suddenly Joe's arm went floppy and he couldn’t make a sound. What were your initial thoughts? I think I knew instantly he was having a stroke but at the same time didn’t believe it, strokes only happen to old people right?! What did you do? I immediately screamed for help as loud as I could and then other hotel guests and staff filled our room. Joe was taken off and I stayed and went down to the restaurant to get the boys some food. You must have been beside yourself… I was in disbelief. I thought, it will be okay, probably just a funny turn…But I think I knew deep down our lives as we knew it had changed forever. When was your first update on Joe? The hospital Joe had been taken to phoned the hotel and I was to go to him immediately. I had to make a very quick decision about leaving my very young children with strangers I had just met. Luckily Kelly and Pam, a mother and daughter, were on their holiday, just arriving that day. with Kelly’s young daughter Bella. Kelly said she would stay with the children and Pam came to the hospital with me. Wow, the kindness of strangers… To this day I am so thankful for what they did, I can never truly express that in words. I was so frightened and alone but they made it slightly better for us. Are you still in touch with them? Yes. They live near my auntie, so we have been able to meet up with them a couple of times- and I have them on Facebook, so we can keep in touch that way too. Holiday friends with a difference! Even with their kindness, it must have been terrifying… When I think of it all now, it feels like it happened to someone else, not us. What was it like in the hospital? It was really scary to begin with. No one spoke English and I had no idea what was going on. I was worried about our children because Joe got transferred to mainland Greece so I was there with him but the children were still in Corfu with Kelly and Pam. You must have felt so alone… The next day my Dad and Joe's Mum flew out to the children and then joined us at the hospital and I can’t tell you how lovely it was to be able to hug them. Did they diagnose Joe quickly? For the first day because of the language barrier and because I knew nothing about strokes, I was telling everyone that Joe had had a chemical stroke when it was in fact an ischemic stroke! What was the hospital like? The hospital was crazy, there was no such thing as health care assistants. So someone had to be with Joe at all times and I had to give him all of his medication and food. He was being tube fed at this point. There were stray dogs outside the hospital and birds flying in the windows! The funniest thing at the hospital was when they sent in a psychiatrist that didn’t speak a word of English! How did you function with so much uncertainty? We’d watch Fawlty Towers and The Royle Family together on my phone because I said we could only watch funny things. I think I knew then, that somehow we’d be okay. Even without speech Joe managed to joke that I was just like Denise! How long was Joe in hospital for? Joe was in hospital in Greece for 3 weeks, 3 weeks without our children because my dad and Joe's mum took them home. But my mum flew out to be with us in the hospital, because Joe needed someone to be with him at all times. What was it like coming back to England? I prepared Joe that he might be in Calow [a hospital in Derbyshire] for a few months while he was recovering…. I remember the first day I went to see him in Calow after we’d got back from Greece. I was like where is he?! And he’d gone in the shower by himself! So because of his determination he was home in a week! That’s astounding! How was life at home? When he first came home it was really difficult, I think because you sort of assume if someone comes home they are better, and he was so different from the Joe that had gone on holiday to Greece. He spent a lot of time sleeping in the beginning, so he and Reggie had lots of naps together, whilst Me and Stan had lots of play centre and cake dates. How was Joe handling it? The amazing thing about Joe was that he was so independent from the start. It wasn’t long before he was changing Reggie's nappy with one hand, Joe’s determination has always astounded me! How did you adapt to your new life? I know it sounds like a cliché, but gradually our new life became our new normal. And now when I look back at that time, I cherish it. We had so much time, just us four, whether we were having a pajama day and movie night or an afternoon in the park. We just really tried to make the best of what we had. You carried on… We had to really, because we had two little boys whose lives weren’t going to stop because their daddy had had a stroke. And they really did keep us going. It certainly wasn’t always easy but somehow we managed to get through. When we started raising money and awareness that really helped me. Because I felt I could make something good from what had happened. How did you communicate? About a year and a half later we both decided to learn sign language so that Joe had a way of communicating with the boys. Joe found it quite tricky because of his right hand that had been affected by the stroke. But I absolutely loved it and carried on learning to level 3. I’ve recently learned Makaton too. I use this with children I work with and family friends with communication difficulties. My eldest niece loved it when you taught some sign language at her primary school. I think it’s amazing that you are passing on such an important skill… I think the most important thing I’ve learned is that just because someone can’t speak, doesn’t mean that they don’t have anything to say. There are so many more ways to communicate than the spoken word. How did you feel having a third child after such a huge life shift? Being pregnant with Daphne I found incredibly difficult. Before becoming pregnant with her, I’d had an ectopic pregnancy. It was the most alone I’d ever felt. It was in January 2021 so Covid restrictions were very much in place. All the hospital appointments I had to go to alone, and it was such a difficult time in my life. You had already been through so much… After that, me and Stan started the couch to 5k. Again, me trying to make something good from a bad situation. But it was good, I absolutely loved running with Stan and chatting to him as we ran. In this time I got really fit and I was eating well. Then when I became pregnant with Daphne I felt so sick, I couldn’t exercise and I just felt so down the whole time… I then felt guilty, as I knew the pain of losing a baby. You must have been having so many emotions swimming around… I worried so much about how we would cope with another baby as we were living in a two bedroom house at the time. Joe was having speech therapy over video call at the time and when we’d settled on the name Daphne for her (because of my love of Some Like it Hot) that was Joe's goal word to practise. He practised and practised and he could say her name. That was a special moment. How about when Daphne was born? When she was born all those worries I had didn’t seem to matter anymore. She’s a very strong willed and defiant little girl who tests our patience daily. But we all love her so much. Stan and Reggie are the best big brothers. We managed to move to a bigger house in Two Dales and we absolutely love living there. You and your gorgeous family have been through so much, but you all radiate love, fun, and determination. How do you stay positive? I try to see the good in a situation, even in tough situations after the initial stress/panic ,I try to think why might this have happened and what good can come from it? After Joe's stroke, I felt so angry that it had happened to him and like we had been robbed of so much. Whilst that was true, especially because Joe's speech is still incredibly difficult for him, I also think we have gained a lot. How has writing helped you? I really enjoy writing about things I’m passionate about. Trying to convey them in a way that makes people really hear what I have to say. I enjoyed writing my blog about the marathon and Joe's recovery because I found it so therapeutic to write down how I was feeling and also hoping to raise awareness at the same time. I think I will find it helpful to write about my autism and possible ADHD diagnosis too because it helps me process it and understand it. What have you learned about life? We have learned to just really enjoy living in the present, in our little family bubble. And on a personal level I’ve learned so much about myself, just how determined I am. If you would have told 2016 Lydia that she would train for, and run, the London marathon whilst still breastfeeding a baby, I never would have believed you!! FILM: Some Like it Hot SONG: Vienna- Billy Joel STAGE SHOW: Sweeney Todd TV SERIES: Columbo BOOK: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time- Mark Haddon WORD: Pavlova Ellie Tomlinson- Wilde 42 'I cannot live without music. It is the one thing in my life that can help me see happiness in the saddest times, and there’s always a song or lyric for the right moment that helps me when I need it...' Ellie is a beautiful soul. I met her in Liverpool outside the LIPA building, where a certain Mr McCartney was giving a music lesson… I ventured alone to LIPA after getting a tip off that Paul was in attendance that day. Although I had made plenty of good friends in Liverpool, I chose to go alone because it felt like a personal experience- and, to be honest, part of me felt silly… but The Beatles were such a huge part of my life, I couldn’t not go. Thank goodness, because Paul McCartney was not the only legend I was going to meet that day! A friendly, bubbly, gorgeous girl approached me, 'Love your bag! Are you waiting for Paul?' I spent the rest of the day with Ellie, which led to countless nights in The Cavern, Jacaranda and someone to Beatle fan girl with…[plus an incredible London trip to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child… we like to mix it up sometimes] It has been a pleasure to interview this gorgeous lady- enjoy! How would you describe yourself? I’m the most introverted extrovert you’re likely to meet. I love people, I enjoy hearing about other people's experiences and lives and I love the sense of community when there’s a shared interest. I get socially exhausted really easily though, and can get pretty anxious in some outside situations. I’m learning to cope with that part of my negative inner dialogue at the moment! I think I'm an obsessive all-or-nothing person, and when I love it’s with my whole being. This goes for relationships, friendships, hobbies and interests. This can be a blessing and a curse as I definitely wear my heart on my sleeve and people have taken advantage of that in the past. I like to see it as a positive though, as it has led me to where I am today with my lovely family. I cannot live without music. It is the one thing in my life that can help me see happiness in the saddest times, and there’s always a song or lyric for the right moment that helps me when I need it. I’m currently learning more about who I am after a late diagnosis of ADHD! I’ve always felt like a bit of an outsider and never fit in, and it’s all making sense now! How would others describe you? I hope other people would describe me as having my heart in the right place. I am told I'm a good listener as I can listen without judgement of the situation, and am told I'm open and empathetic. I reckon my friends think I'm organised and in control - I'm the “Mum” of the group, making sure everyone is okay, has had food and has got home okay when we’ve had a night out. Overall a Beatles loving, vintage obsessive member of society! How was it being diagnosed with ADHD later in life? That diagnosis has meant the world to me. I have been misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression etc throughout my life so to finally get to the root cause of who I am and why I react to things so strongly is pure validation. How did others react to the news? I feel like people actually believe my struggles now, and the support I've had from family and friends has meant the world to me. I’m understanding more about my brain, the way I think and how I now fit into society. That all comes with a sadness too. If I had known about my ADHD sooner I probably would’ve found coping techniques sooner, which probably would’ve led to me continuing further education. So growing up was a challenge? I struggled a lot at school in terms of fitting in and feeling like an outsider, and as is my wont I decided to run away from that situation, as I couldn’t cope with that feeling. Life is too short to have regrets, but now that I have my diagnosis I'm going to stop putting obstacles in my own way and live life to the full! Okay, you knew it was coming… Let's talk about that little known band from Liverpool… The Beatles! With a name like Eleanor it’s pretty hard to avoid that band isn’t it? I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked if that’s how I got my name! Even though I’m an ‘Elinor’... I remember as a small child listening to Band On The Run as my Dad had it from the 70s, and my Mum had a fair few Beatles albums. The ones I remember hearing most though were the Red and Blue albums, and I used to pore over those sleeves as they were so arty! Those times my folks played music in our old living room in Grange Road North are some of my most vivid, happiest memories as a kid and I loved dancing and singing along to the records. My Mum played Eleanor Rigby to me as a very young child, but I remembered being more impressed by Norwegian Wood! 1989 Help! was released on video and my Dad bought my Mum a copy. She was SO happy and watched it over and over. My eldest Sister then began to obsess over it, so much so the tape went black and white in sections. But when did you go from casual fan to an Apple Scruff? That band has impacted my life from an early age, and I could go on and on about how they’ve influenced me personally. I met my husband at International Beatleweek 25 years ago as he was in a Paul McCartney tribute band (not Macca!) and my life could’ve taken a totally different route. You’ve met Paul McCartney a few times… The first time I met Paul I couldn’t speak. It was May 2000 at LIPA and he was giving a class to the music degree students. I happened to be in the city with my friend and we were given the tip off to go and try and meet him. We waited around for a couple of hours and he walked out of the door towards his car. I was rooted to the spot, and if it hadn't been for my friend pushing me in his direction I would’ve missed my opportunity of meeting my idol. I asked for his autograph and he said yes, and I didn’t have a pen! He had to open his jacket and get a blue ink pen from it (his pocket was like a stationery shop!) and once he’d signed he gave me the pen which I still have! Did you keep your composure? I held it together while he was there, and as soon as he’d driven off and we had waved goodbye I was a blubbering wreck! I had just turned 18 and had met Paul McCartney! The year before I'd been lucky to go to the Run Devil Run listening party in London, the premiere of Working Classical in Liverpool and the Parkinson interview in the studio but this was actually meeting him! Each time has been ultra special. Fast forward to 2015 and I met you in the same spot! What made you come over and say hello? You looked friendly and approachable, and had the guts to rock up to see a Beatle on your own. To have that enthusiasm and excitement about seeing Paul is something I recognised about myself, and as I said earlier I love sharing the excitement with people who have that love in common. I’m so glad I said hello that day as it had led to this lovely friendship! Meeting people in random ways is always a good start to a friendship I find! I’m so happy you did too! And a love of The Beatles also means a love of Liverpool… My Dad used to take my sisters and I on day trips. When we asked where we were going he would say “there and back to see how far it is!” and we’d have adventures together. I remember being REALLY young before the Albert Dock was renovated, and we wandered around the docks to the river, walked around the City and just felt excited to be in such an amazing atmosphere. What made you keep returning? I used to sneak to the City when I was a teenager as it was my happy place. Yes the Beatles kick started my love for the City, but it runs deeper than that. The Scousers are hard to resist! The North West as a whole feels like a separate entity to the rest of the Country, and the morals and working class honesty is an integral part of who Scousers are. You are accepted for who you are, you can walk into a pub and talk to a total stranger and the people have their own style and identity. And now it’s your home again! I spent most of my adult life living in Liverpool, and with a move for 8 years down to Watford I'm now back on Merseyside with my husband in tow. Gee it’s good to be back home! You are now a step-mum too! How are you finding it? Being a Step Mum is such a tricky thing to navigate, and I am so conscious of trying to be a responsible adult while not feeling like a “grown up” at all. I loved my stepson as soon as I met him, and I'm so lucky to have him in my life. My husband's older kids are more like friends as I haven’t been involved in their upbringing, but it’s mind blowing to me that this kind, brilliant, clever, funny young man has developed from the kind, brilliant, clever funny child I met all those years ago. He’s got such amazing, supportive parents so I'm in the privileged position of just being another adult he can chat to and lean on when he needs anything. I still worry about being the grown up though! How did that happen? What’s the best thing anyone has ever said to you? As cheesy as it sounds when my husband said he loved me for the first time. I knew I'd found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and it was glorious to know he felt the same way. And the worst? The one that I'll never forget is as a 13 year old my school PE teacher saying I would be a good dancer if I wasn’t so fat. That crushed me. Dancing was my life at the time, and those words have never really left me. That’s dreadful! I’ve struggled with my weight since that moment really, and for a long time my self worth was attached to how fat or thin I was. I wish I could go back to my 13 year old self and tell them to ignore that sad woman and believe in myself. Do you have any recurring dreams? I don’t have recurring dreams anymore, I'm a light sleeper and I do wonder if I get into REM at any point. When I do dream it’s always vivid and colourful, and ridiculously realistic. When they’re happy dreams it’s lovely, but when it’s a nightmare it can be pretty grueling. I know you are a fan of the TV series The Traitors. Would you be a Faithful or a Traitor? I would be a Faithful. I cannot lie to save my life, and I wouldn’t enjoy the stress of being a Traitor at all. I think I would break down in tears every time I felt like I had betrayed someone I'd built a friendship with. I’m also good at reading a room (thanks ADHD!) so I think I'd be good at identifying micro mannerisms that would give the traitors away. Who would play you in the film of your life? That’s a tough one! Maybe BenDeLaCreme (amazing drag queen!) as she’s a vintage loving, bubbly personality with a fierce loyalty to her friends. Also her makeup and style is always beautiful - I want to be her when I grow up! Film: West Side Story Song: All Day and All Of The Night - The Kinks Stage Show: Chicago TV series: 7 Up Book: The Beach by Alex Garland Word: Optimistic |
AuthorEllie Fearn Categories
All
Archives |